Spiders 2 breeding ground3/8/2024 Each one our heroin comes across receives their own intense death scene that makes me think that the director wanted one of them to be the big "finisher" with an accompanying one-liner but couldn't decide on which one he liked best so he used them all. After showing exactly 0 spiders for the majority of the movie, all of a sudden there are a few hundred of them ranging in size from a Big Mac to a Mac truck. The deaths are hilarious, the spiders are poorly animated, and the plot holes are left about as wide open as a porn star's back end after a DV/DA scene. Things are going great until that bitch of a stowaway cuts the power to the spiders' cages and releases them on the unsuspecting crew. The plot comes full circle once the mad bailiff's plan is revealed to breed giant spiders from naked girls' stomachs. Especially in a genre like horror or the specialized sub-genre of killer animals, you really need to keep two or three kills speckled throughout the film to remind the viewer that they arent watching just a poorly scripted/poorly acted film, but also a poorly scripted/poorly acted film that has some giant CGI animal in it. I know these guys aren't professional film makers, but if you are making a movie you should maybe watch one first to understand how they should be structured for viewer enjoyment. Remember when I mentioned the first spider.yeah that's because it was the last time we see one until the very end of the movie. Things really come to a head when the child molester finally makes the move on the wife that she couldn't possibly have seen coming despite the dude constantly hitting on her and her husband warning her.Īll of a sudden the movie seems to squeeze in every little bit of nudity and spider action into the last 10 minutes. The back and forth between these two acting giants may bring to mind other great actor confrontations.not so much like Pacino and Duval in the Godfathers, but more like between Bob Cat Gothwait and that random old lady in Police Academy 3. A favorite scene of mine was the riveting discussion of whether or not the radio is working between the mannequin of a husband and the toothpick wielding first mate. After the intros and some great character development we are treated to about 45 minutes of people talking, people eating, people getting injections, and people sleeping. It seems that no one explained to any of these actors that people will occasionally have emotions or reactions to something someones else in the room says. Luckily for our couple (and for the audience) they are rescued by a cargo ship captained by a child molester (or at least someone that dresses and shaves like one), crewed by a mute Adam Carrola look-a-like, and a doctor who quit his job as bailiff on Night Court (yes I just mentioned Night Court and if you don't know what that is do yourself a favor and time travel back to the late 80s and find out.) This group of miscreants puts out the most nauseating "performance" of acting ever captured by mortals on film. I swear the sequence was laugh out loud hilarious, and thankfully this was not the only scene as such. Then a couple on another yacht (that are in the middle of the ocean for some inexplicable reason) discover the burnt out yacht and a dead crew member are attacked by some stray storm that trashes their boat and nearly drowns the husband who purposefully tied himself to the boat. A yacht in the ocean is taken over by pirates and the crew killed and the yact set fire in a hilariously bad attempt at people looking tough with masks. Here's where the movie's pace shifts from nothing happening to absofuckinglutly nothing happening. Anyway after showing literally nothing happen, the title comes up and we're then sent off to the middle of the ocean. The film opens with some dude dragging a body wrapped up in a plastic bag and throwing it into the giant spider's glass cage and.oh my god is that.is that a practical effect for the spider?! Wow this movie is already topping expectations. Spiders 2 was a brand of Limburger that I was not prepared for.Īt first I was worried that not seeing the original would affect my enjoyment of this fine cinematic experience, luckily within the first minute or so, you could tell that if this was related to an earlier film it is only because it happens to have giant killer spiders in it (or so I was led to believe). Who doesnt love a crappy giant CGI spider movie like 8 Legged Freaks or the epic Ice Spiders. As many of you might know I have no problem watching some of the shittier SyFy channel flicks and many times enjoy their cheese. So I picked this gem up at a used DVD shop for $2 and since I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided to put myself through the amazingly torturous experience of watching this.
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